Choices

A major portion of those who do get married will choose their spouse based on the relationship with had or lacked with their own parents. It is difficult not to fall into that trap.

So when children don’t have a nurturing, loving relationship with their parents, they are destined to choose a mate who is not well suited to them in the long run. Once we become an adult, there is a deep seated desire to work out what we had no control over a child.

The initial  attraction is based on familiarity. What we’re know and are comfortable with is what we bring into our lives, even if it is not what we truly want. The amount of time it takes to balance our own perspective and understand what it is we truly want will depend on the amount of effort spent in learning from our experiences.

Had I known this when I was 19, I would hope I would not have made the same choice to marry a man who believed I was his personal property and he had every right to dictate what I did, what I wore and who I could talk with. In this instance, I went from an over bearing parent to another parent who was my age.

It’s not to say I did learn from the relationship and there wasn’t value in knowing him. But the truth was, I had been dominated by my parents and did not know I had the right to make my own decisions.

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